April 12, 2012 Haiku #100

I've now written
more haiku than
the years I will live in my life.

April 11, 2012 Haiku #99

Tiny little bodies
falling from the light fixture
landing on my desk.

April 10, 2012 Haiku #98

I hear the bells
ringing in the distance
for her it rang too soon.

April 9, 2012 Haiku #97

With each passing day
I grow a little older
a little more weary.

April 8, 2012 Haiku #96

It's five months today
My heart still aches to talk to you
just one more time.

April 7, 2012 Haiku #95

I miss you terribly
waking even from dreams
you were absent from.

April 6, 2012 Haiku #93 and #94

not a bright star
in the entire galaxy
as bright as she.

* * *

it grows cold once more
the ice settling in my veins
like sediment.

April 4, 2012 Haiku #92

Little yellow finch
Trilling a harmony
from the bird feeder.

April 3, 2012 Haiku #91

My bones are tired.
Eyes drooping with exhaustion.
But life is so short.

April 2, 2012 Haiku #89

It must kill you to know
I no longer think about you
more than a hundred times a day.

April 1, 2012 Haiku #89

A cricket chirps
and I run screaming
from the room.

March 31, 2012 Haiku #88

Brittle, fragile strength
wrapped up in paper
and a bright red bow.

March 30, 2012 Haiku #87

The night dark and restless
like an unsatisfied lover
plagued by insomnia.

March 29, 2012 Haiku #85 and #86

I think that I'm starting
to give up
this whole endeavor.

* * *

I forgot yesterday's haiku
It just didn't occur to me.
Whoops.

March 27, 2012 Haiku #84

Do you ever lose faith
in the people, in the world around you
do you ever want to scream?

March 26, 2012 Haiku #83

Just because I'm shy
doesn't mean you can't say hello
I get lonely, too.

March 25, 2012 Haiku #82

I wish that I could soar
above the treetops
and play tag with the mockingbird.

March 24, 2012 Haikus #80-81

I search for things to say
but sometimes words
seem to elude me.

* * *

Thousands of tiny specks
flying around in circles:
bug tornadoes.

March 22, 2012 Haiku #79

And it eats at you
Like a slow-spreading cancer
until there's nothing left.

March 21, 2012 Haiku #78

Laughter and cool breezes
enfold us in their gentle arms
as we are reunited.

March 20, 2012 Haiku #77

And the dreams
get more intense and
I find myself living in them more.

March 19, 2012 Haiku #76

The blow is crushing
the pain tearing through my heart
I walk through days alone.

March 18, 2012 Haiku #75

Walking dripping bleeding dead
Andrea's kicking in their heads
Hope she moves faster.

March 17, 2012 Haiku #74

Just because I'm not
who you think I should be
doesn't mean I'm not me.

March 16, 2012 Haiku #73

And in the silence
of the humid night
I turn the page.

March 15, 2012 Haiku #72

The drip drop dripping
of a warm humid drizzle
tumbling from one leaf to another.

March 14, 2012 Haiku #71

And I left the wreck
In the rear-view mirror
as I drove on home.

March 13, 2012 Haiku #70

One step and then another
one foot in front of the other
one day at a time until it's over.

March 12, 2012 Haiku #69

Soft cloth brushing
against my cheek
as I turn over in bed.

March 11, 2012 Haiku #68

Soft wind stirs
a tiny leaf
blooming on the tree.

March 10, 2012 Haiku #67

The silence
between us:
falling snow.

March 9, 2012--Haiku #65 and #66

Circling the white basin
slow and steady
vanishing clarity.

* * *

Arms stretched wide
Spinning and twirling
Falling to the earth.


Due to a family emergency I was unable to post yesterday.

March 7, 2012 Haiku #64

Dark forest of evergreens
Sky full of sapphires:
windows to the soul.

March 6, 2012 Haiku #63

Violent, oppressive
tunnel of wind
where is Kansas?

March 5, 2012 Haiku #62

Hovering above
dazzling like a star
a single satellite.

March 4, 2012 Haiku #61

Grains of snow
building on the window sill
like an intricate sand painting.

March 3, 2012 Haiku #60

Floating cotton in the air
light streaming through:
break of dawn.

March 2, 2012 Haiku #59

Sun-striped flames
licked the knight's armor
as he met his fate.

March 1, 2012 Haiku #58

The quiet tread
of a little lamb's hooves
against still-brown grass.

February 29, 2012 Haiku #59

Waves of green
and blue wash over the sky
as the night grows colder.

February 28, 2012 Haiku #58

And in a moment
a wish was made
and granted.

February 27, 2012 Haiku #57

Sky as clear as glass
Stars as bright as our sun.
Hers is always the brightest.

February 26, 2012 Haiku #56

Central Illinois Weather:
one day you're twenty and snowing
the next you're sixty.

February 25, 2012 Haiku #55

And the darkness
evades a little longer
with each day.

February 24, 2012 Haiku #54

And the spark ignites
the flame
dancing in a slow rhythm.

February 23, 2012 Haiku #53

Mottled gray pigeon
Perching
Waiting patiently for bread crumbs.

February 22, 2012 Haiku #52

Floating iridescence
shatters like glass
in my hand.

February 21, 2012 Haiku #51

The trees
dancing in the wind
leaves tangled like Rapunzel's hair.

February 20, 2012 Haku #50

Soft flutter of eyelashes
against a pale cheek.
An eye opens.

February 19, 2012 Haiku #49

And today is the day
the last day
and the first.

February 18, 2012 Haiku #48

My stomach does a flip
and then a twist, and then knots
whenever you're near.

February 17, 2012 Haiku #47

Little blinking lights
guide my pathway in the dark.
Then go dark again.

February 16, 2012 Haiku 46

Rub salt in the wound
Let it sting and burn and bleed
It cannot be fixed.

February 15, 2012 Haiku #45

Still your lying tongue:
you know not of what you speak.
Erase this from your mind.

February 14, 2012 Haiku #44

Lightly falling snow
dissipating as it hits the ground
Winter is extinct.

February 13, 2012 Haiku #43

Whispers in the halls
hushed;
stop echoing nonsense.

February 12, 2012 Haiku #43

Her silver tears
reflect on the still pond
as a howl shatters silence.

February 11, 2012 Haiku #42

Swirling snow catches
on pale skin
burying yesterday's memories.

February 10, 2012 Haiku #41

When did we jump the shark?
I can't even remember.
I miss you.

February 9, 2012 Haiku #40

The things that we share
aren't as significant
as the things that we don't.

February 8, 2012 Haiku #39

And in the night
tears stain the pillows
blankets clutched tightly in fingers.

February 7, 2012 Haiku #38

The clock is ticking:
moments are slipping away.
Never to return.

February 6, 2012 Haiku #37

The haunting hoot
of an owl
shatters the silence of the night.

February 5, 2012 Haiku #36

Night is dark as coal
The sliver of moon
a burning beacon above.

Winter Blues.

A little known fact about me: I struggle through January and February (and sometimes even March) with the desire to not get out of bed. My energy wanes and I feel sluggish and barely-there almost constantly. So far this year hasn’t been so bad because the weather in central Illinois has been unusually mild. And by that I mean it’s wavered between the forties and the fifties in temperature for all but a few days this winter.

I’ve still had energy, but I’m not sure I’m making the most of it.

Another confession: other than my daily haiku and the occasional blog post, I’ve barely written anything--even in my private journal. Instead I find other ways to occupy my time: reorganizing my dresser drawers and all three of my desks AND my craft bureau; watching the entire series of Six Feet Under on DVD lent to me by a friend (thanks April!), reading all three books in the Hunger Games series in under seventy-two hours, and of course, sleeping in copious amounts.

Yes, this former-night owl who used to stay up until 2 or 2:30 AM every day even when she had to be up five hours later for work, has taken to going to bed at 10:30 on the dot nearly every night (just not on Saturdays, because I stay up til 1 to watch The Big Bang Theory on Fox at 12:30).

So even though physically I feel all right so far this year, I’m still procrastinating when it comes to writing. It’s not that I don’t have ideas--I have at least six separate novel plots spinning in my mind--it’s that getting myself to sit down and write them out is a lot more difficult than it used to be.

However, I know I’m going to have to just sit down and start typing very soon, or else face a life of either mediocrity or a one way ticket to the nearest mental hospital when I finally start blabbering about fictional characters that no one knows about but me, and the terrible conflicts they are battling out in my head.

And let’s face it: the latter isn’t a very pretty mental image.

Also I’m fairly certain that a strait jacket would do nothing for my pale complexion. Unless they make them in green now anyway.

But I digress.

Sometimes the battle isn’t really the cold dreary weather at all.

Sometimes…it’s just ourselves.

February 4, 2012 Haiku 35

The litter of snow
clings to the deadened ground
and my windshield.

February 3, 2012 Haiku 34

And I remember
the way that you used to laugh
Will it always hurt?

February 2, 2012 Haiku 33

Ice crystals
pressed against the darkened glass
blocking my view.

The scary moment...

...when I break away from the traditional 5-7-5 format of haiku. It's a new month, and I'm ready to try something a little different. Not to say that I won't return to 5-7-5 from time to time, but it won't be every day. That said, here is today's haiku:

Fireflies
Lighting my path
on the drive home.

January 31, 2012 Haiku #31

Black capped chickadee

Sitting on my window sill

Playing peek-a-boo.

January 30, 2012 Haiku #30

January 29, 2012 Haiku #29

The night starts to dawn:
Blueberry, cotton candy
melting behind trees.

January 28, 2012 Haiku #28

Soft, steady beating
Just beneath my fingertips
Skin smooth to the touch.

January 27, 2012 Haiku 27

Softening lamp light
Outside the rain drenched window
Glass cold to the touch.

January 26, 2012 Haiku 26

Soft beating of wings
Against the dark window pane
Trying to escape.

January 25, 2012 Haiku #25

January 24, 2012 Haiku #24

Honeysuckle fades
dies, wilts and withers away;
then flits off the vine.

January 23, 2012 Haiku #23

Little woodpecker
sitting on my suet feeder
trying to hold on.

January 22, 2012 Haiku #22

In the midnight blue
a flaming sun dies, crackling
Dust left in its wake.

January 21, 2012, Haiku 21

Sometimes I do wish
upon a star for space junk
to fall on your head.

January 20, 2012 Haiku #20

He gives her the bills
as she turns her face away
left eye dark with bruises.

January 19, 2012 Haiku #19

And the universe
keeps giving me all these signs...
I am not laughing.

January 18, 2012, Haiku #18

Vanilla ice ice--
No, I wasn't singing THAT.
Why are you asking?

Big Brother is Watching (And Labeling You a Terrorist)

I don’t know if all of you have noticed, but the United States is becoming a scary place these days. On New Year’s Eve, President Obama signed the National Defense Authorization Act into law, which basically gives the government the authority to arrest and detain American citizens indefinitely, without due process or even a lawyer, if they are suspected of being a terrorist for ANY reason.

Meaning that seemingly innocuous things like having more than a week’s supply of food or investigating factory farms to write an article about animal abuse could get you into serious trouble because apparently those things are things that terrorists do.

Not scared yet?

Well, now consider the SOPA (Stop Online Piracy Act) currently in the House of Representatives, and PIPA (Protect IP Act), currently in the Senate. The way these bills are worded will make it a crime for you to even LINK to a website that links to another website that may have material that is copyright-protected. In essence, this would enable the government to take down ANY website or content it deems in violation of these acts.

So you know that picture of your favorite actor or actress you just shared on Facebook? Or that fan-made video you made and uploaded to Youtube? They would be illegal if SOPA and PIPA pass. And because they were illegal, Facebook and Youtube could be shut down entirely. Same with any other site hosting such content. Or even any site simply linking to the site with such content.

Still not scared?

Combine the three of them.

Imagine, if you will, the FBI showing up on your doorstep because your family has a three week’s supply of food in your house, and they think you’re a terrorist. You’re immediately detained.

Now imagine someone else in your family writing a blog about what happened, and then having that blog shut down because they now have the ability to do that under the guise of “copyright infringement.” Even if there was no real copyright infringement. Then that relative is arrested, due to supporting your “terrorist activities.”

So now not only are you and your relative in holding indefinitely, but no one even hears about it because the government has shut down the internet so effectively that freedom of speech has been virtually eradicated.

Maybe it sounds “out there” but the implications of these laws are damn frightening if you ask me.

It’s not like it’s unheard of, after all.

January 17, 2012, Haiku #17

Trailing through the skies
A fiery burst of ice
Dazzles all below.

January 16, 2012, Haiku #16

So many bottles
Sugarplum, vanilla bean
You soften my skin.

Baby Blues Capture Young Aunt's Heart

by: Angela D.
Published in the Decatur Herald and Review’s ‘Prairie Talk’ column January 27, 1998

When I was in fifth grade, my sister Michelle came home from college one day and announced she was going to have a baby. I had never been so excited in my entire life. She moved back into our house so we could help her out. A few months into her pregnancy, her doctor performed an ultrasound and told her that she was going to have a six-pound baby girl.

Well, that made me even more excited. My sister was nine years older than I was, and I thought it would be pretty neat to have a little girl around the house. We could play dress-up, have tea parties, and play with all my old toys. My parents were becoming eager for the new baby’s arrival, as well. I knew they were looking forward to spending time with their first granddaughter.

Early on the morning of September 16, 1991, my mother came into my room and awakened me, saying that my sister’s water had broken. Of course, at that point in my life, I had no idea what she meant, but then she told me she had to drive my sister to the hospital because the baby was on her way into the world.

Unfortunately for me, I had to go to school that day. All day long, I fidgeted and jumped around anxiously, announcing to all the kids in the junior high that my sister was having a baby and that I was going to be an aunt. At the time, I thought I was really something because I was only eleven years old and I was going to have a little niece to look after. I called home twice from school that day to ask my dad if my niece had been born yet, and twice he told me that, no, she hadn’t.

When my father came to pick me up from school, I nearly died from excitement. I was sure he was going to take me straight to the hospital to see the new little girl. That’s when he informed me that my sister was still in labor. By this time, I was quite frustrated. Every time the phone rang that night, I was certain it was going to be my mom calling to tell us our new baby’s name and how much she weighed.

Mom never called. By ten that night, my dad reminded me I still had school the next day, and sent me off to bed.

I did so, disappointed as I was. At 11:30 that night, my father came into my room. “Angie,” he whispered. “Your sister had her baby.”

“What did she name her?” I asked, immediately awake.

“His name is Nicholas Maxwell. He’s nine pounds and one ounce.”

It took me a moment to comprehend what my father had just told me. I didn’t have a niece after all. Another boy in our family. I groaned, convinced the next several years of my life were completely ruined. I went back to sleep.

By morning, I was still certain that this new member of my family would not like me, and that I would not like him, either. However, that didn’t stop me from wishing that the school day would end so I could go take a look at this new kid. When the day ended, Dad picked me up from school and drove us immediately to the hospital. We went to the nursery and I pressed my nose up against the glass, scanning the names for the Williams’ baby.

Nicholas was wide-awake, but he wasn’t crying. He had lots of thick black hair and the most beautiful, enchanting blue eyes I’d ever seen. I remember the breath catching in my throat as I saw him for the first time.

At that moment, standing there, looking down at my nephew, I knew that I would love him as if he were my own child.

I still do.

January 15, 2012, Haiku #15

Just a real quick test
to see if this is working
the way that it should.

January 14, 2012 Haiku #14

Perfume makes me sneeze--
permeates and then tickles
I make Kleenex dance.

"The Zone."

I wonder exactly when I became my own worst enemy. Did it happen suddenly, or was it gradually, little wears and tears over time and space?

One minute I knew what I was doing. I was writing--all the time. Hours would pass as I sat at my computer, unaware of what was going on around me. Sometimes you hear writers talk about “the zone” or something to that effect, where they claim they are just vessels for the muse, simply typing what they are instructed to type.

I know that place. I used to go there a lot. It was my escape, my saving grace. Bored in economics class? No problem. I’d just pick up my pen and quit paying attention. Zoning out for me was a spiritual experience in a way. Hours would pass, and while I might get up and do other things at points--things my body demanded like eating lunch or drinking water or using the restroom, my mind was still in “the zone.” I was locked into the experience, swept away by the thrill and the sweet sensation of being connected to something that was clearly bigger than me; bigger even than my comprehension of it.

These days I can hardly remember what it was like. When I was younger, it came easily and I let it. Anymore, getting to “the zone” or any place remotely resembling it is a struggle. I struggle inwardly, mentally dodging demands of dreary every day tasks like laundry, and dishes, and cleaning, and rarely succeeding to actually sit down in a chair by myself, with no distractions from the outside world and attempt to connect to that place.

Even now, I am distracted. My inner editor is telling me that what I’m writing is terrible, that there are better, more productive ways to spend my time: there are things to be organized, dinner to be eaten, a movie to be watched with my family. Not to mention that I obviously need to check my Facebook, my Twitter feet, Tumblr, and return texts and phone calls to people.

I am not in “the zone.”

But I’m determined to figure out a way to get back there one day soon, because my soul demands it.

January 13, 2012, Haiku 13.

Inspiration flees





Like the bunny in the snow





When I step outside.

January 12, 2012, Haiku 12

Give me an idea;
inspire me, awaken me.
Always looking in.

January 11, 2012, Haiku 11

Downloading e-books
A new way to pass the time
Til Big Bang Theory.

January 10, 2012, Haiku 10

Searching for answers--
Are they the same as the Truth?
My soul wanders, lost.

January 9, 2012, Haiku #9

When winter arrives
we're all going to be freezing
to death until June.

January 8, 2012, Haiku #8

Two months since you left
It feels like just yesterday.
Yet...eternity.

January 7, 2012, Haiku 7

Almost out of time
Guess this one will have to rhyme;
Five minutes til twelve.

January 6, 2012, Haiku #6

Nothing like waiting
Til the very last moment
To write the day's lines.

January 5, 2012, Haiku #5

So what do you mean
by you've never had a dream?
You dream every night.

January 4, 2012, Haiku 4

Twenty-twelve galloped
riding a tall, darkened steed
how much more bad news?

January 3, 2012, Haiku #3

Just three lines a day
Should not be this difficult;
harder than it sounds.

January 2, 2012, Haiku #2

Fuzzy little flakes
Dancing in the midnight sky
Tickling my nose.

January 1, 2012, Haiku #1

Another year passed
Goodbye, Twenty Eleven
I will not miss you.